February is all about self love + self care. I couldn’t think of a better way to express who I am than to share this essay I wrote in college.

SARCASM + PIZZA= LOVE

Our assignment was to create a process analysis but of course I decided to turn it into a satire, sharing my love for Pizza Rolls. Luckily I received an A and the teacher didn’t think I was insane.

“Pizza Roll À La Carte”

Growing up the eldest child can sometimes have its downfalls. I used these downfalls to my advantage to do as I pleased, which was no different when it came to my favorite afternoon snack. No matter what I ate for lunch by the time I arrived home from school I was hungry.

My parents worked long hours. Most of the time I would come home to an empty house and my siblings would be with a family friend or at daycare. I was seven years old the first time I ate a pizza roll. The flaky crust was just the beginning to this beautiful love affair.

Growing up my family actually had three freezers filled to the brim with a collection of frozen eats. There were all sorts of delectable delights, one being Tostino’s pizza rolls. I could always depend on my mom to ensure that I would have them each day after school. Sometimes I would even indulge in a midnight snack. If I felt adventurous I’d have them for breakfast early Saturday mornings while watching my favorite cartoons.

A common belief is that pizza rolls have an age restriction. Even though I have these memories as a child, I choose not to let the judgement of others deter me in my journey in the art of pizza rolls. The oven is preheating, and you can guess what’s going in.

I’m now twenty six years old and have been consuming these snack bite pizzas for almost two decades. I’m about to give you my best kept secrets for achieving the perfect à la carte pizza rolls. I’ve shared my impeccable tricks with only a select few, so choose carefully who you share this information with.

Getting upstaged with your pizza rolls is an option, but not mandatory. Before I get into the details, you must first know where to find these little bits of heaven. Go into any local grocery store and head towards the frozen section. If this is a Saturday morning and you look a wreck do not be ashamed, you are there on a mission.

You will want to look for the isle that has the frozen pizza. Walk down until you see the Tostino’s Pizza Rolls. They are usually in bags, sometimes in little boxes. Now this is where you must decide what size and flavor you will want. Is this just for your afternoon snack, or will you be hosting a few friends?

I usually get the bag with ninety.

You never know when the store may run out, or if a tsunami is heading your way. It’s always better to be prepared.

There are a variety of different flavors. I always get cheese, but pick any flavor you wish. The difference in flavor you choose will not alter the way in which they are prepared. Depending on the occasion maybe choose some refreshments, any type will do. If you are looking for something a bit healthier, go with a sparkling water. Nothing can destroy the unbelievable taste you will create once you have prepared them properly.

If you are looking to impress or get a little fancy, you can opt for some basil, oregano or parmesan cheese for added decoration and flavor.

Once you get home, preheat the oven to 425 degrees. Next, grab your baking sheet and a piece of tin foil. The tin foil will help with the mess of the cheesy goodness that explodes out of each roll.

While the oven is preheating try and relax.

I usually put on a television show, something to help distract myself from the anxiousness I feel waiting for the pizza rolls to finish cooking. Once the oven is heated to the proper degree, go into your freezer and cut open the bag or box. Next, place the pizza rolls onto the tin foil. One inch apart for each roll, and put them into the oven. Don't forget to set a timer for seven minutes.

These seven minutes sometimes can be the hardest, but that is why we have some type of distraction set in place. If you are cooking for a large number of guests, or you are like me and cook forty in one sitting, expect to add an additional two to four minutes cooking time on each side. Also if you decided to get any extra ingredients, such as basil prepare that now while you wait.

When the timer goes off try not to let your excitement take control. This is the time where you will flip the pizza rolls over. You want each roll to be perfectly browned on either side. This skill is something I acquired through years of trial and error. Once you have flipped them to their alternate side, toss them back in the oven for seven additional minutes.

You are almost there, don't forget to breathe and remember to be patient.

I like them à la carte, but if you have a friend over who loves dipping sauce, get that ready.

After a few minutes, if you are near the cooking area you will be able to hear the sizzling. Don't let this mislead you, they may need a few more minutes. The aroma will fill your kitchen making it almost irresistible to leave the pizza rolls in the oven until they have fully cooked.

If you have opened your oven early, as I often do there is one distinct way to see if they are done. They should be browned on the top, and a cheesy sauce mixture should be pouring out of the sides. If you do not see this, insert them back into your oven.

When I make pizza rolls myself, I expect each one to come out flawless.

If you happen to see a few of them spewing out this cheesy sauce mixture, you have not messed up. Take the few out that appear to be done. This way you can ensure that every individual roll is cooked to perfection. Once you have noticed that some, or all appear to be done take them out of the oven accordingly.

You should get a plate or a platter depending on amount that you have cooked. Now this is the most difficult time during this process.

You need to give at least three to five minutes of cool down time. If you have friends over, or this is your first time eating these do not hurry the process. As a kid, and still today I have burned myself on numerous occasions. Pour yourself a drink, and get ready to enjoy the most savory bite of food you will ever encounter.

If you have accomplished these steps as I have laid them out for you, you should feel delighted with yourself. This is common, but if you notice the insides to be a bit dry, you might have let them cook about a minute too long. Do not feel disappointment with yourself, this art sometimes takes experience to get the perfect roll.

With these instructions, follow them carefully yet slowly to make certain this does not happen again. I have overcooked and even burned mine plenty of times. Do not be fooled by my pristine art of the pizza roll. Sometimes that distraction we have does such an adequate job that we loose track of those seven minutes. Do not give up, and try again.

These bite size snacks are jam packed with flavor. They have been there with me through it all my childhood, breakups and Friday night with the girls.

If you wish to have a memorable day with someone close to you possibly a new relationship, these are the ideal treat.

Don't get stuck with the boring and outdated popcorn for your movie snack, opt for something more exceptional. Exceed your expectations, go above and beyond the ordinary snack. These breathtaking one inch size bites will rest assure be a crowd pleaser and have them begging for more.

This is also another reason to reach for the large bag, you will most always need it.

Thank you so much for reading + Happy National Pizza Day.